Today is pretty hectic. I was going back and forth from my office to my university... fiuh, very tiring :/
Anyway, i realised something yesterday. I read a testimonial about me written by a friend of mine (well, not exactly a close friend, but i think she's a great person); she wrote in her testimonial that she thought i am a sanguinist-melancholist. At one time i could be very very wild, entertaining and friendly, at a different time i could be an introvert, shy and insecure person. Well, i guest somehow she had saw through me (eventhough i've just known her for 5-6 months!) and that really strikes me... I dunno why I am a person i am today; maybe coz I invented those kind of me or maybe it is becoz of my environment??? I am a veeerryy moody woman, whether i'm having my period or not:p And I think most of my close friends had fully awared of that.
Looking back to friends stuff, a co-worker once said that he considers me as a good friend (i'm glad he does). And then he described that there are 3 types of relationship (there are??):
-close friend > a friend that often hang-out together
-good friend> a friend that u cherish, respect and care about
- connected friend > a friend that u feel connected with u and somehow just "click" talking to.
Strangely, I don't think that I have that many friends somehow... I mean, I admit I have quite a lot of friends. Friends that know me, and that i know. Friends that would invite me on their special occasions, friends that would listen my thoughts and support me in everything i do... But I don't have many connected friends.
And now, after I graduated from my university and have to make efforts to stay in touch with my friends (especially the ones who I usually easy to met at campus), I think I can really able to see who is my original friend and who is the one that only be with me coz they didn't have any place else to go... in other words, ones who are stuck with me :D
I think, otomatically, those kinda friends will be sorted out of my phone book list.
And after I finished my Final Project, I even realised that I don't enjoy working at my office anymore. The very same office that I used to love, enjoy being, and comfort in. How strange is that!
I think in a way, my office is not the same anymore. I'm saying this simply coz I have known its history for about 4 years, since I was still at first semester. But I don't blame anyone, I can't blame situation either... I just feel wanna get outta the place asap. Well, yea, maybe next year I'll enjoy settle in Jakarta or Bali. I have to wait one of friend since I had already promised her to stay together.
Well, actually, it is kinda sad... I feel sad for not being able to get along and coupe well like I used to. I realised 100% that is because of me. Coz somehow deep inside i don't wanna coupe that well anymore... Coz somehow I realised that it is just gonna make me hurted and feeling lonely. I mean, you cannot and should not spend 24 hours only with friends you know from work! It could be very personal and I realised that I don't wanna mix business with pleasure...
Some friends at work who I thought (again, thought is a very tricky mind!) were close enough with me are not as close as I thought anyway. Hey, i mean... pleasee... they don't even remember my birthday and did not congrats my graduation. How close is that! Yet, most of them ask for our treats. I was laughing myself... Think that I better spend my money treating my original friends who are fully aware of my existance. And I could list over 50 people who are qualified enough:) (hey, since I'm not that rich, I think I have the right to select the ones i wanna share my happiness with) Friends who sms me only just to gave spirit, ask my prepareness, and bother to call on my Final examination day. I thank all those people, coz I really feel comfort and loose after receiving those supports. I thank a bunch of encouragement sms-es, a helpfull emails, and a caring e-cards.
Thank you, guys! ^o^
And since now I am drifting away...further and further away... I think I'm gonna keep on swimming to the other side, waiting for a bigger shore to drift me away... Hey, i always love changes like I love shores.
Speaking of shores, I reaaally wanna go back to Bali and surf on tides. Not that i'm good doing it, but I just love being a part of the big ocean... beach... feel the air and salty water swipe my barenaked body (who cares anyway? In Bali, you can wear anything, do anything, and be anyone) Been there, done that... without telling my parents, of course -lol- :p
So, from now on, I'm just being the Shirley i am today... wild, moody, sometimes ignorant -most of the time caring-, sarcastic/critical, loyal, sensitive and picky... :D I like being picky! Hehehe, take it or leave it...
Coz I don't wanna be loved for who I am not
2 comments:
Well that's a lot to read. hehe.. but just wanna let you know what I think of what you have written.
You can have good/close friends (whatever) from the office but you can't really truly expect them to do those specific special things for you when you have your specific special day. I mean.. you can have a lot of friends, but real friends are countable, right? And at least you HAVE them. If you can list over than 50 persons, it's already like a great number. I can't remember even 10 people who care for me (and vice versa). but still I'm happy coz I know there is AT LEAST one person that cares for me, and it's not like NO ONE.
Be more grateful with your life. You have a great life with those great numbers of friends and great cares from them!
Yes, i think you are right. Thanks :) Hmm...maybe i just want things not to change drastically. And now, as maybe u aware too, there is tendency of grouping in the office. I don't see that as a good change. By the way, I care about u... I think u r one of the kind that living ur own life and be able to make urself happy no matter what. Glad having u as a friend.
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