Thursday, August 09, 2012

Sexy is...

a painting of a woman in MoMA

When it’s tempting right in front of you, but just can’t have it.
Playing with flirtatious words, yet not getting caught up in the moment.
To play with someone’s hands and allow that person to play with yours.
To say good night gracefully after midnight even when tempted to do more than a hug and kiss on the cheeks.
Sexy is understanding your body and respecting yourself. 
It’s the art of delaying gratification. Not easy, but hopefully it pays off to get something more lasting. Do you agree with me?

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Introducing My Pop-Up Mind!

Somehow I have moved my blogging activity to If blogger has iPhone app or something similar, then I'd be so glad... Oh well, not gonna happen in a million year, I guess.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

You know something's wrong when...

You cannot sleep well at night. It's been almost two weeks since I found myself waking up at 3am in the morning and totally clueless about anything. The other day I overslept in front of the TV after dinnner for several hours and woke up thinking that it was already the next day and that I was late for work (cuz the clock was showing 9pm). Something is wrong with my body clock. My friends would probably argue that it is a jetlag. Since I had been away for a month then maybe it would take me the same period before I could return to my old rhythm. I would say my mind is thinking hard about something. Something undone. At this point, I'd die to get a good night sleep. Any suggestions?

Monday, April 23, 2012

Wait for another 10...

A friend who is in her mid 30s told me that she finally decides to settle down. A nice Catholic boy who is slightly younger than her had asked her hands in marriage. And she started giving advice on how to settle down with someone. You know what? Being married to someone for the rest of your life is scary; here I am, single and free, able to do whatever I want and go wherever I want and I'm thinking about several guys at once. I can pick and choose, because at this stage of life I look more confident and more attractive than ever. 10 years ago, I wouldn't even admit that I am attractive, or that I deserve better guys. Instead, I was experimenting with my feelings. I met some losers who ended up being nobody and who I accepted out of curiousity.

Last Christmas, someone sent me a long note -or should I say, an eye-opening letter- during a secret angel event. The person wrote, "Shirley, I want you to say this out loud, the whole thing. First, I am smart, I am good looking, I am highly eligible, I am down to earth, I am strong, I am multi-talented, and I am powerful..." and the rest followed with a joke. I know the writer was either a lady who knows me so well (like my mentor) or a guy who knows me well but hesitant to make a move becuz of something. I was hoping it to be the second one, although it was a long shot. At least that gives me the confidence to know that someone does value me.

As years go by, I learned that I can be older but also be wiser, sexier, and happier. I learned how to fill my bucket and how to get the most out of life. I learned to find more things that I love about myself everytime I look at the mirror (well, also cuz I can buy more expensive pampering products to indulge myself). I learned to love genuine gentlemen who accept me for who I am, not who I pretend to be. I started to understand why old people used to say that it is better to marry your best friend, than the hottest guy in town. Well, except if the hottest guy in town is your best friend :p I spend last weekend with two of my good friends. We entertained ourselves by dining, listening to music and talked about a lot of things including about girls. I like one of them, but I know the one that likes me is the other one. Not bad looking, but I just don't feel the connection.

Meanwhile, this one guy that I've known for years is just being passive. We'll probably die as friends, unless I admit to him about my growing affection. If I do it now, he'll prob be freaked out and shut me out of his life for good.

So, imagine if a woman like me could develop different affections for some guys, what about a highly eligible bachelor who could have many attractive girls throwing themselves at him? The world is unfairly dominated my female population, you know :) In Istanbul, I got hit on wherever I go; in the middle of the street, in the train, in the park, in a restaurant.. I'm not kidding, it was exhausting. That doesn't say anything except that my face was the niche that they're looking for. But they like me for the superficial look that I reflect.. Same like when a guy praised my body after we made out and said, "You have a great body; you should wear more revealing clothes." When I heard that, an alarm turned on inside my head, telling me that it is not the guy you wanna spend the rest of your life with. It is good to have someone praising your physical appearance, but it is much more comforting to have someone acknowledging your true potentials and missing your voice, even if it's just a few seconds of phone call.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Counting four

Four more days in New York and then I'll be flying to Istanbul, Turkey. Not so enthusiastic about visiting the Eurasian country now. Maybe because I love New York so much and there are so many things to do in the city. There is always an interesting new thing everyday and I can't write 'em all.

I can't. You have to land and experience it yourself. And it will take its own sweet time before it finally put its spell on you. One day it was okay, three days it was fine, after two weeks you won't wanna leave.

I overheard some tourists (some in their 20s, some in their 40s) said that they have finally pick out the Big Apple from their 'bucket list'.

Watching Broadway, visiting modern museums, meeting different ethnicity, developing art senses, and many more... Just make sure you have thick enough wallet to stick around, cuz the city ain't cheap :)

Friday, March 23, 2012

Different personalities

We are two different people with different backgrounds and characters, so of course you can't expect to always get along. I can be difficult sometimes, I know, but I think I can be a damn loyal friend. Maybe tagging along a friend (especially to her college) was s bad idea. Maybe she's right, instead of accepting her invites and join her activities I should create my own agenda. Including on weekends. After all I am here to have a vacation, not having arguments or trying to fit in amongst the master's graduate students of an Ivy league. "You don't have to come if you don't want to," she told me twice, both after I had set aside time and showed up at the door (which I wasn't familiar with, at all). So, why inviting anyway :) *stranded in The university with an empty stomach*

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Why traveling?

As I said earlier, I'm not a typical tourist who ambitiously wants to visit as many places at once... I wouldn't also list "traveling" as one of my hobbies *smile* because it is not. It is a necessity. I find that I can relate more to other cultures and embrace diversity by walking in their shoes, their subway, or whatever :)

I'm not a brave tourist like many would think, but I calculate things accordingly and go with the flow after that. Since I came from a middle class family -who consider vacation as an unnecessary expense- I didn't get to travel that much when I was in school. So now, I'm listing all those places that I would want to explore while I have a perfectly good shape, strong feet and more common sense (compared to when I was a naughty school girl). Oh, and I like traveling solo!

Today I was overslept and didn't go to any new place in town. After resting till 12pm (!!) I decided to cook omellette at the kitchen and just read the international news. I went to Brooklyn and visited Ikea store yesterday. I like Manhattan, and Brooklyn, as the two have different characters and quite safe (if you compare it to the bronx or harlem). If I were to live here I would find a place in these two boroughs.

"So were you surprised when tou first set foot in New York?" my friend asked. I paused for a while and remembered those friendly african-american lady officers and a security guard at New York Public Library who called me "sweetie" and "beautiful"...and said, "Actually, no. It was just like what I've imagined before," Even better. But of cuz, I wouldn't say something overboard and keep my cool. A friend said that it was surprising to see so many african-american and hispanic in one place. Lucky I don't have that stereotype against them, although sometimes I can't relate to what they're saying. I guess Middle Eastern would be the most foreign culture that I haven't tried to understand yet.

@ Cafe Lalo (where "You've got mail" was filmed), Upper West Side, Manhattan- New York, 10pm.

New York Minutes

It has been almost two weeks since I've arrived in the Big Apple. City of hopes, which has created (and crushed) millions of dreams. So far, it has been my best travel experience. 

There is always something new in New York everyday; hundreds things to do, thousands different characters to meet, and you instantly feel like you are in a giant melting pot. Americans, african-american, hispanic, asian, european... all embraces their unique individuality in this city that never sleeps.

My first New York moment was meeting friendly officers at the airport (I won't say which one). Unaware that I forgot to fill in my custom declaration form, I met this officer -who to me looked like Morgan Freeman- who was kind enough to let me in without any questions. When I walked to the exit, 2 officers asked for my form and said that I must have lost it somewhere ("or else you wouldn't pass the officer"). A friendly lady officer took me back to the visitor counter and so I met Morgan Freeman once again. He said, "Oh, I'm sorry about that. I thought I've seen you earlier... Have a nice holiday." Isn't it just sweet? :)

I remember sitting on the plane with this South Indian lady whose daughter went to the US to get a physician degree -Princeton, I believe- and she said she would stay in New jersey for 4 months. She said, "You are very lucky, they usually ask for a sponsor," and I just smiled.

United States isn't as stiff as they said it is. New York isn't as scary as they said it is.

I guess in many ways, the Hollywood movies have imprinted such images about America which not necessarily true. Just like when you see Indian actors sing and dance under the rain -of cuz with hundreds of background dancers- in Bollywood movies... doesn't mean they actually do that in real life :)

After pinching myself to make sure that I was in the US -because the airport was so quiet when I arrived- I gathered all the information that I could get and made my way to the nearest metro station. 

To be honest, there were lack of signage and clues at the airport, if you compare it with Europe or other tourist-friendly Asian countries like Singapore and Hong Kong.

But I managed to reach Jamaica station and figured out my way to Manhattan subway train. Lucky I had downloaded this awesome "NY subway" app on my iPhone and memorized the train route to the place where I stay. (Tips: Always memorize your destination address and phone number, and download apps that would work even in offline mode/ without the internet connection). Forget Google Maps and calendar if you don't have a proper internet connection.

First of all, I'm not an ordinary type of tourist who likes to bring large paper map and carry a backpack which loudly screams, "Help! I'm a tourist!". In many cases, I often become the tourist that other tourists ask for direction (although I couldn't be much of a help either). IMHO, the "backpack culture" is so yesterday; for me, the most interesting way to travel is to blend with the society and culture and live like the locals. So, instead of living in a fancy hotel that might drain your wallet after a week, find a cozy hostel or rent an apartment (I never try "couch surfing" so I wouldn't recommend that extreme as well). Instead of taking the expensive cab -which pretty much means you are putting your life in the cab driver's hands- and neglecting the walking experience, learn about the public transportation -including subway, bus and tram- and master the direction. I am a huge fan of electric train. 

As I was waiting for the 1 train, a Vietnamese girl came up to me and asked for direction. She wanted to catch the next bus back to Connecticut, where she has been taking her master's degree in business for the last seven months. I told her I'm going to transfer at Penn station. She said she'd follow me so we could go together. I said okay. She had officially become my first friend in New York City. I wish her luck for her study.

Anyways, more stories to come, including about men and hook-ups, but I'll sign off for now... Like my friend Angie said to my lazy ass, "Hey, you're in New York!! Just go out and enjoy the city!" :D 

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The checkpoint number

Hey you, December 16, I miss you. Sorry for missing your birthday :( Yet, you still remember mine... Thank you. Kapan ya kita merayakan ulang tahun bersama lagi :)

Monday, December 26, 2011

Letting go

Let's go find me a companion. *smile*

The Problem with Hope

What is it with hope? Once it gets into your head, it tends to stay for a long time. Nobody knew. It was once upon a time in 2005, when I saw him there. I was happy and hoping to be able to know more. Talking more, observing, listening, understanding... Took me years before it finally became like today. I was cultivating hope. And this year, out of the sudden I felt it again. The butterflies, curiosity, and compassion. I told myself that I am not going to do this again. Feeling so much like a fool now. Forgive me, God, for I have sinned. For a moment there I thought we had a moment. But I was wrong.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Broken Hearted

"I think I better leave right now, before I fall any deeper..."

 At first, it was annoying. Later, it grew into a constant itch and something that you're just dying to get rid of. It is typo.

They want to attract more. They want to make it big. I say they should build a strong fence first. Seeing it like this is just breaking my heart.


Monday, October 10, 2011

Four Hours of Hope

Oct 10. 10-10-11. Will it change my future? I still don't know. Do I like the thought? Yes, I do. Was it going according to my expectation? Not really. Was it better or worse? Depends on how you look at it. Is it going to be difficult?

Yes, it is. But life has to advance. And we cannot move backward.

No matter what the future holds, I will be ready and preparing my game shoes.


Friday, August 26, 2011

And he said hello

"And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind..."

Someone was trying to be nice to me today. He smiled and introduced himself. Never thought of him as a friendly guy, but I guess I was totally wrong. He and his charming accent somehow catch my attention at first, but not his physical appearance. I never even considered being his friend in this environment. My bad, I know. I am picky, I know, but that is the fact. Today he greeted me and gave me some appreciations, and suddenly I was feeling so shy. I felt so embarrassed and could not wait to just ran away from his sight. A day before a guy also flirted with me during my working hours. We had met several times before and he always took the time to praise my look and tried to tease me in a fifth-grader kinda way. I completely ignored him, despite the fact that his appearance was pleasing to my eyes. So, it was twice in a week!

What is wrong with me?? How did I get this low self-esteem? I know I can be confident and daring when I need myself to be, but at these moments where I know that I might heading on a new relationship I just automatically shield myself. I loaded craps in my head which said that "I don't need this" or "this is never gonna work" or "he is just full of it" or "he is just too good to be true, and when something's too good to be true, it usually is."

I guess I have met a lot of jerks in my life. Ass-faces, bastards, liars who just trying to survive and feed their needs. Those jerks have left a lot crap inside of my head, and as much as I want to rewind them all, I could not.

So, I am not lucky in relationship. So, maintaining a guy is not my forte. So, it is not easy to find my compatible match. But I still have plenty other blessings in my hands that I should not take for granted. I just have to love myself for the way it is.

How many time did people praise me and I denied it harshly? Next time, I will smile and say thank you. No matter how icky and ridiculous the praise is. In the end, it is not me who could judge me. Like Lady Antebellum said:

"Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all."  

- Shirley, putting on her game shoes and running to the field

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Kanpai, Angie!

My friend is off to New York and she is going to study social subjects at Columbia university for two years. She will continue to write a weekly column on Student Globe. I'm gonna miss my dance teacher, fosho... Would surely remember the crazy nights...with me ended up sleeping on a stranger's couch, or when we "babysit" that young American intel, or chasing frisbee over some guy who had me at hello, or taking pictures during the fun big durian race, or how she juggled between emotions and finally fell over a guy with an accent. She asked me where I would end up in two years, and I was completely clueless! Oh, well... how would I know? All I want is to keep on moving forward... Maybe try to live in some place new, maybe try to create a new activity (I mean catching a disc is no longer fun without him and you). If you read this, I hope you do know that I wish you all the sunshine in the world :) Let's keep in touch. Drink white wine, sing rap songs, dance some more and have fun along the way...    
Hopefully we will meet again in New York in spring! Until then, cheersss! ^o^ p

Saturday, July 30, 2011

I Lost My Blackberry

Jesus, help me because I know I cannot help myself. I know you were trying to say something, but I just would not listen...

Sunday, June 19, 2011

A Tasty Chinese Lunch with Goorme

Last week was a lovely Sunday. The fact that I had to work on a Sunday did not stop me from joining a scrumptious lunch with Goorme. I got invited to try a new Chinese restaurant, Paradise Dynasty. The place is going to be opened soon for public, and it is located in Plaza Senayan (in front of the XXI cineplex). I asked a colleague to accompany me, and we both were ready to fill up our tummies with xiao long bao and other authentic chinese cuisine.

Xiao Long Bao is a special type of dumpling which can be found in many chinese restaurant. It needs special "technique" to enjoy it to the max; one shall put the dumpling inside a soup spoon, rip the dumpling skin a lill' bit and sip the stock soup inside, before adding a bit of ginger slice and vinegar to compliment the taste. Well, since it requires special eating method, it also requires special skill to make it and unfortunately not all chinese restaurants are able to make the best out of it. 

Paradise Dynasty is a restaurant under the same management of the company who previously has successfully managed a middle upper f&b brands such as Sushi Tei and Bakerzin. The brand itself is a franchise from China, and has been known in neighbor Singapore.

As soon as we arrived, we were advised to order the 8-flavour Xiao Long Bao as our entrée. We took the advice and quick to know the reason why. The 8-flavor dumplings are really quick to serve and has been carefully prepared as the restaurant's ultimate menu. Each of us were given out "instructions" on how (and when) to eat the dumplings in specific order. I, however, found myself breaking the rule because I did not have my breakfast and was too hungry to even bother to follow the order :p

(to be continued)

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Fiction: Life is a Bitch. Deal with it.

"You seduced me," he said. She laughed and rolled her eyes. Maybe she did... But he invited her and had estimated that she should be going in two hours. Soon. It was raining outside and he did not stop her from leaving. He did not even offer her an umbrella or walk her out.

"How old are you?" he asked. She did not answer. She was thinking to herself that age did not matter. The point was that very moment that she was going to treasure for a long time, if not forever.

She wanted to tell him the story of her life, but she said to herself what was the point if he was going to forget about her the following day. She wanted to tell him that she was just testing him, but turned out all came out from her lips was "I don't know". She was not ready to open up.

He opened the door and stretched his arms wide. She smiled, did not embrace the gesture. She wanted him to make her stay, but he never did.

So tomorrow is going to be another day. Another encounter with another soul. Another unexpected thing. What is the point of falling in love, she said to herself. Life is a bitch, so deal with it.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Single Girls: No Limits

It was just yesterday when I told my friend that I have a good tandem now. Today I found out that she kissed our new friend, the guy that I would like to hang out more with. The hurtful truth is, I do not feel like I have anyone.

Last Friday was the craziest I have ever been after two years. Been drinking too much, dancing too wild, acting too far. Not really proud to the fact that I was acting like an early twenties again.

Never trust someone in a bar, I know. But I guess even the slightest image of that someone could made me happy. Or at least I thought so. Never expect a call, I know. But the memory of having someone to dance with was just exciting.

So one person left. I did not even look back or willing to say goodbye. The person will never come back, I know, as I saw the traces of pain were still there in his eyes. I do not know why, and I did not want to ask. All I know is it has left a small gap in my mind, that could grow bigger if I do not move it somewhere. On booze or on paper, does not really matter.

What matter now is I want to leave. I want to never deal with reality and drown myself in an immense force of something to keep my brain working as hard as it could.

Friendship, family, flings. The sad truth is; I am not an expert in any of those areas.