It was just yesterday when I told my friend that I have a good tandem now. Today I found out that she kissed our new friend, the guy that I would like to hang out more with. The hurtful truth is, I do not feel like I have anyone.
Last Friday was the craziest I have ever been after two years. Been drinking too much, dancing too wild, acting too far. Not really proud to the fact that I was acting like an early twenties again.
Never trust someone in a bar, I know. But I guess even the slightest image of that someone could made me happy. Or at least I thought so. Never expect a call, I know. But the memory of having someone to dance with was just exciting.
So one person left. I did not even look back or willing to say goodbye. The person will never come back, I know, as I saw the traces of pain were still there in his eyes. I do not know why, and I did not want to ask. All I know is it has left a small gap in my mind, that could grow bigger if I do not move it somewhere. On booze or on paper, does not really matter.
What matter now is I want to leave. I want to never deal with reality and drown myself in an immense force of something to keep my brain working as hard as it could.
Friendship, family, flings. The sad truth is; I am not an expert in any of those areas.
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