And he said hello

"And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind..."

Someone was trying to be nice to me today. He smiled and introduced himself. Never thought of him as a friendly guy, but I guess I was totally wrong. He and his charming accent somehow catch my attention at first, but not his physical appearance. I never even considered being his friend in this environment. My bad, I know. I am picky, I know, but that is the fact. Today he greeted me and gave me some appreciations, and suddenly I was feeling so shy. I felt so embarrassed and could not wait to just ran away from his sight. A day before a guy also flirted with me during my working hours. We had met several times before and he always took the time to praise my look and tried to tease me in a fifth-grader kinda way. I completely ignored him, despite the fact that his appearance was pleasing to my eyes. So, it was twice in a week!

What is wrong with me?? How did I get this low self-esteem? I know I can be confident and daring when I need myself to be, but at these moments where I know that I might heading on a new relationship I just automatically shield myself. I loaded craps in my head which said that "I don't need this" or "this is never gonna work" or "he is just full of it" or "he is just too good to be true, and when something's too good to be true, it usually is."

I guess I have met a lot of jerks in my life. Ass-faces, bastards, liars who just trying to survive and feed their needs. Those jerks have left a lot crap inside of my head, and as much as I want to rewind them all, I could not.

So, I am not lucky in relationship. So, maintaining a guy is not my forte. So, it is not easy to find my compatible match. But I still have plenty other blessings in my hands that I should not take for granted. I just have to love myself for the way it is.

How many time did people praise me and I denied it harshly? Next time, I will smile and say thank you. No matter how icky and ridiculous the praise is. In the end, it is not me who could judge me. Like Lady Antebellum said:

"Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all."  

- Shirley, putting on her game shoes and running to the field