Just ate tami goreng for dinner at my office. The portion is too large, that's why I splited it with my co-worker, piku:) And the internet in my office stopped for like an hour. Today I arrived late at the office, coz I had to do something before. Felt a bit guilty coz I made my friend late too. What can I say, I couldn't help it:p Hehehe... But I kinda surprise find out that I don't feel upset or whatsoever anymore. I dunno why, I just stop feeling... I'm just trying to play by "the game" and let it flow... without any expectation. I could die young if I always try t find reasons, and sweat the small stuff. Just like a book that says "If Life/ Love Is A Game, These Are The Rules", I think it's easier to think of it as a game.
Anyways, yesterday I spent hours sending SMS with (guess who) my ex. He and I are often SMS ing each other, but last nite conversation was weird. At first I thought he was only missing me or saying hi, and I reply his SMS happily. I don't have any kinds of romantic feeling towards him anymore, but I would always care about him in a way. I never ended relationship with anger. I don't want to turn lover into enemy just becoz things didn't work out for us. And I was the one who broke up the relationship.
So there we were... SMSing each other, just mentioned light topics when he suddenly asked me,
"Honey (o yes, he still calls me "chayank" 'till now), do u still expecting me or not?"
Wow, where did he get the idea that I still want to get back together with him? I never say anything romantic or seducing to him anymore, never call him with special name, so I just replied,
"No, I don't expecting you anymore (to make it more clear). And seems to me now we are only 2 good friends." And he replied,
"Ok, so if you don't want me anymore, I should just go and marry someone else... maybe next year. What do you think about that?"
Why did I sense somewhat like a "threaten" in that sentence? He was like saying, "ok baby, this is your last chance to have me, or I'm gonna hooked up with someone else"
And I was like.... "soooo???" What did he wanted me to say?
But I replied,
"Lho, with whom? Marriage is not about when. It about with WHOM are you married to. Don't think of it easy. If you are ready, then go ahead."
And he replied,
"Honey, is there any chance you wanna get married?"
I replied,
"Ha? With whom? You?"
He replied quick,
"If by any chance it is me. would you?"
I was smiling.
"Haha. Nah, marriage is not that tempting for me at this moment. But why did you said you wanna get married next year when you ask me if I want to marry you?"
For heaven sake, he is not that old and desperate! He's 26 and still not mature enough. He is starting his own company now, but that doesn't mean that he has to marry NOW. I can't follow his way of thinking somehow...
"Honey, honestly I'd already have a girl friend (figured it is not long enough, since we kept in touch and 4 months ago he was still single) and her age is same like me. And she ask me to get married. I think for a woman her age dating is not for playing anymore..."
HAH?! Sooo....he thinks that younger women can date for playing? And did he think that I was only playing with him? (rrr.... at that point I wasn't really sure if I was or not). But still... there was something wrong in his sentence:/ so I cut to the case...
"Did you sleep with her? And that's why she asks you to marry her?"
I never have any trouble talking about sex or whatever with my ex, since we were not saints anyway... And eventhough he had dated many many girls back then, I know he is a polite gentleman... unless 'something' got into him at nite... I'm not sure.
He replied,
"Honey, seriously I never do that. The marriage thing is gonna happen finally, and when that time comes I want you to pray for my happiness."
I smiled again.
"Yes, I wish you the best. If you're ready to commited in marriage, then go for it. I'll come to your wedding. But remember, no fooling around after that. No drinking, fly or doing silly things anymore, ok? Take care, wherever you are..." (believe me, I've caught him drunk)
"Yes, honey. You will always be a special person in my heart. I love you."
And that's about it. SMS closed and erased. Left 2 SMS in my cell phone this morning, before piku play with it, trying to figured out why my calls were always displaying "restriced call", press 0000 and then "RESET ALL" memory in my cell. Puff! Bye-bye SMS, bye-bye phone book, bye-bye pictures *speachless*
FYI, my ID is still displaying "Restricted Call" or "Private Number". So, if you ever have a caller ID like that, just accept it... It could be me :D Hahaha.
Anyways, yesterday I spent hours sending SMS with (guess who) my ex. He and I are often SMS ing each other, but last nite conversation was weird. At first I thought he was only missing me or saying hi, and I reply his SMS happily. I don't have any kinds of romantic feeling towards him anymore, but I would always care about him in a way. I never ended relationship with anger. I don't want to turn lover into enemy just becoz things didn't work out for us. And I was the one who broke up the relationship.
So there we were... SMSing each other, just mentioned light topics when he suddenly asked me,
"Honey (o yes, he still calls me "chayank" 'till now), do u still expecting me or not?"
Wow, where did he get the idea that I still want to get back together with him? I never say anything romantic or seducing to him anymore, never call him with special name, so I just replied,
"No, I don't expecting you anymore (to make it more clear). And seems to me now we are only 2 good friends." And he replied,
"Ok, so if you don't want me anymore, I should just go and marry someone else... maybe next year. What do you think about that?"
Why did I sense somewhat like a "threaten" in that sentence? He was like saying, "ok baby, this is your last chance to have me, or I'm gonna hooked up with someone else"
And I was like.... "soooo???" What did he wanted me to say?
But I replied,
"Lho, with whom? Marriage is not about when. It about with WHOM are you married to. Don't think of it easy. If you are ready, then go ahead."
And he replied,
"Honey, is there any chance you wanna get married?"
I replied,
"Ha? With whom? You?"
He replied quick,
"If by any chance it is me. would you?"
I was smiling.
"Haha. Nah, marriage is not that tempting for me at this moment. But why did you said you wanna get married next year when you ask me if I want to marry you?"
For heaven sake, he is not that old and desperate! He's 26 and still not mature enough. He is starting his own company now, but that doesn't mean that he has to marry NOW. I can't follow his way of thinking somehow...
"Honey, honestly I'd already have a girl friend (figured it is not long enough, since we kept in touch and 4 months ago he was still single) and her age is same like me. And she ask me to get married. I think for a woman her age dating is not for playing anymore..."
HAH?! Sooo....he thinks that younger women can date for playing? And did he think that I was only playing with him? (rrr.... at that point I wasn't really sure if I was or not). But still... there was something wrong in his sentence:/ so I cut to the case...
"Did you sleep with her? And that's why she asks you to marry her?"
I never have any trouble talking about sex or whatever with my ex, since we were not saints anyway... And eventhough he had dated many many girls back then, I know he is a polite gentleman... unless 'something' got into him at nite... I'm not sure.
He replied,
"Honey, seriously I never do that. The marriage thing is gonna happen finally, and when that time comes I want you to pray for my happiness."
I smiled again.
"Yes, I wish you the best. If you're ready to commited in marriage, then go for it. I'll come to your wedding. But remember, no fooling around after that. No drinking, fly or doing silly things anymore, ok? Take care, wherever you are..." (believe me, I've caught him drunk)
"Yes, honey. You will always be a special person in my heart. I love you."
And that's about it. SMS closed and erased. Left 2 SMS in my cell phone this morning, before piku play with it, trying to figured out why my calls were always displaying "restriced call", press 0000 and then "RESET ALL" memory in my cell. Puff! Bye-bye SMS, bye-bye phone book, bye-bye pictures *speachless*
FYI, my ID is still displaying "Restricted Call" or "Private Number". So, if you ever have a caller ID like that, just accept it... It could be me :D Hahaha.
11 comments:
Maybe deep inside he is still has a feeling w/ u.
Kok cepet banget ya mo merit..baru ngedate bentar..hehe
But who knows???
Love live is unpredictable.
*Just Wondering*
Why are you honey-ing each other if there's no longer any feelings involved? For me it always takes two to make it happen :) And although it is an old flame, it is still a flame...which in a way still can burn you once again :p
OMG, and you're trying to tell us that you are just best friends? Come on, even my 9-years old cousin knows that we only say honey, darling, love, whatsoever to a lover only. I don't know how you call your ex, but I do know that you let him call you honey for hours. Gosh, no wonder he got the feeling that you wanted him back. No no, don't tell me you let him just because you felt sorry or you wanted to be polite to him. That's non sense. Truth is, you enjoyed being adored by him, nuff said. No excuses.
Take my advice, if you really don't have any feeling on him anymore then quit playing game with your and his hearts. You will only hurt your self and his. Remember, you are no longer a couple of lovers, please behave.
Hehehe...so you guys saying it's wrong to let people call u honey (but I'm not calling him 'honey' or anything)? Maybe I let him coz I still care for him, or... maybe... I do like having a fan? :p I dunno...
Yes, you do like to be adored!! I fully agree with Denny ;-)
And Coolz...It doesn't matter how long the relationship is, if the couple feel it's right, then why couldn't they decide to get marry?
I decided to get marry only in couple weeks of my relationship.
If you really don't like him anymore, you could just tell him, "don't call me honey". Then the problem solved. Stop being "nice" to anyone if your heart doesn't feel it really "nice".
mmm or...you don't want them to get marry? deep in your heart, you don't want any other girl takes "you man"? (you still think he's yours, don't you?)
alaaaaa wes biasa coolz iki... cen ket biyen pancet aeee... bosennnn... keterlaluan deh
wake up coolz... kalo emang your life sucks... ya tergantung kamu memandangnya juga sih... tapi kalo kamu nulis2 kayak gini sih... loe malah keliatan nggilani banget.... sorry deh gw terlalu jujur...
Waduh...buat mas/mbak anonymous di atas...anda singkat, padat, jelas and langsung nembak ke hati ya commentnya. Keren juga! Ya coolz...ur life doesnt suck, look around, banyak tuh yg perhatiin kamu, mesti disyukuri tuh. Aku ada setujunya sih ma si anonymous atasku ini. Kalo aku pribadi mikir isi sms itu benernya kamu simpen buat kamu sendiri aja or shared it with close friends only. Blog site ini kan buat konsumsi publik. Mungkin bakal ada para pembaca asing setelah baca sekilas yg bisa aja mikir kalo kamu sengaja bikin supaya kedengerannya ur the wise and mature one dibandingin si ex lu ini. If i pretended to be someone who did not know you, i would get the sense that all ur problems occured in ur life itu datengnya dari kamu sendiri yg buat, bukan naturally happened. U make urself and surroundings complicated coz somehow u seem to be desperate to becoming a different person apart from others, know what i mean?
Naah, I won't let people tell me what to write or NOT write in my blog. Read it, hate it, leave it! As simple as that. What is a blog? Personal site where I could put anything without boundaries. Don't judge people "nggilani" coz of it. For all who had post comments, thank you. If you wanna know, there are 3 points I wanna share in this post:
1. my surprise feeling of having heard my ex is getting married,
2. my wondering-why feeling that he still can asked if I want to get married,
3. the fact that I lost his numbers and sms (along my other contacts) the next morning, coz a friend press RESET ALL in my mobile phone. So, these messages were like "the last".
I do know that blogs are public consume, but the reason I actually made blog was to let my friends (espc ones who live a far from me; and they like it)keep in touch with my live. Not to proove anything really:)
thanks anyway for the comments. I appreciate it. And I know now that my life isn't sucks enough.
"Naah, I won't let people tell me what to write or NOT write in my blog. Read it, hate it, leave it! As simple as that. What is a blog? Personal site where I could put anything without boundaries."
Yeah, I totally agree with you. You can write anything, anytime, in anyway you like. Nobody can ever ever tell you what to write.
"Don't judge people "nggilani" coz of it."
Now this is unfair. What did you expect? Shitty words like "Oh shierly, you're so kind". Or bullshits like "I'm sorry for you my friend". Or fakes like "Yeah the guy was wrong, you're always right". Come on. You can write anything you want so do we. If you don't want comments on your blogs, why don't you in God name just trash the damn comments things and don't even let the readers to comment in the first place.
No appreciation or praises required, Denni. I like it when someone said something to me frontally like you:) Hehehe... Jadi seru neh...
Hmm... of course it's up to the readers to judge my blog. But the fact that made me irritated is becoz THAT anonymous claimed like he/she had known me for decades by saying, "pancet ae..."
I don't even recall we ever that close, anyway...
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