Anxious About Tomorrow...

Aduh, aku kok merasa cemas gini ya... Why am I having these feelings? I was just watching vcd "Mengejar Matahari" and watched the news of flood and total traffic jam in Jakarta and...suddenly... I felt worry. My paranoid feeling come up again...

What if...what if... what if...

Suddenly I am afraid of many things. Afraid of some chaos that might happen in the capital, afraid of flood, afraid of being the victim of crimes that may occured; robbery, rape, abuse, being cheated and all... What if I go home late from work and being followed as I walked back to the dorm? I am easily get lost especially at night, even though I have been walking the same paths for couple of times. Took me months to be able to memorize streets and areas without thinking. I don't know what is wrong with the geographical area in my brain... I guess I am worried because on my way to the dorm, I have to pass the narrow alley of the villagers in order to have a shortcut. What if...what if...what if... I guess I should prepare some defensive devices to help me protect myself then. Maybe a spray tube of chilli water, or an electroshocker. Well, I am also afraid of becoming a workoholic robot -________- Looking at my friends who often work overtime and look busy all the time... I don't wanna be like them. I still want to have a personal time that I can enjoy. What else am I afraid of?

Afraid of losing ideas. Not being creative enough.

Afraid of being busy all the time, and forget how to have fun.

Afraid of being dragged into the bad life style and trends.

Afraid of having insomnia at night. And frighten myself with creepy thoughts about my room (which I know nothing about its history).

Most of all, afraid of being lonely.

This night, as I try to sleep on my bed (unsuccesfully!), I ask myself why the hell am I doing this drastic motion? I mean,move far from my family and living all by myself... Leaving my "comfort zone". So help me GOD. Let this new step be the right step for me to start. And give me courages, wisdom and comfortness that can make me breath in relieve and sleep tight at night.

Any advices to overcome my paranoid feeling? Thank you -____-"

PS. My best friend Aida who is gonna pick me up at the airport is gonna stay in my dorm for 2 nights. I really hope her presence can ease my weary mind.