Loving Without Receiving?

"Kesulitan adalah keadaan dimana solusi belum ditemukan."

(wise card- Mario Teguh)

I fully realise that this bitterness is starting to eat me alive...
Eating the content of the heart, and living inside a hole what-so-called soul...
I wake up in the morning, seeing an attractive figure trapped in misery...
Questioning about life all the times...
I am here but not whole. U can hear a clank in me.

I miss me. I had tried to get a hold of some people called best friends. FAILED. Never found help.
The greatest discovery was when I realised that I was/am actually living alone.

Now all I do is the opposite: I wanna live this misery until life spit me out. When that happens, than I wouldn't have to taste its bitterness anymore.

So I start to refuse to welcome the open arms, the sweetness, or companionship. I have failed in loving, that's why I shouldn't love that much anymore. I have dissapointed, that's why I shouldn't act anymore. The truth is, I actually wanna see, is there anyone who would still love/ care for me even when I failed loving them? Is there such thing as "loving without receiving"?

Seorang motivator, Mario Teguh, pernah berkata di sebuah talkshow favorit saya:
"Seseorang menilai dirinya dari apa yang ia pikir mampu dilakukannya, tetapi orang lain menilai kita dari apa yang telah kita lakukan."

Well, I guess I'm tired to show the world who I am, or trying my best to be accepted or trying to love sincerely... So, better laid back and be a passive person. Then you'll probably know who truly wants you and cares for you, even when you did nothing for them.


8 August: Pemilihan Gubernur Jakarta. God bless Indonesia. Dear Mr. Adang & Fauzi, pls keep ur promises... :)