Do You Feel What I Feel?

It's like climbing up a mountain. You stop to catch your breath. When you look down, no one is there. It's like running a marathon. You pass a person or two. When you look back, no one is there. It's like being deserted in an island and refuse to be found.

It's not an attitude. It's simply a personality. Or could be, a destiny.

Remember, mom, I used to be so excited on my first day to school. You made me breakfast and dressed me up in my new red uniform, and prepared blank notebooks inside my matching red bag. Dad took so many pictures of me. Smiling. Ready to face the world. As soon as we reached the kindergarten yard, I asked you to go home. I never forget that childhood, because you always remind me. 

Two years after that, got a story published. Since it was a small town, everybody knew. Amazing. Since then, I knew that I would never wanna use real name again. I dislike attention. Read my story, please, but do not read me. I knew that I want to be a writer.  

I told mommy I wanted to be a surgeon. A lawyer. An archeologist. I want to join Greenpeace and save the world. Such a vague concept for a nine-year-old. Dad failed as a law student, so I must not try. Mom was a nurse, so she was proud when I wanted to heal the wounded. Despite the fact, I am a coward. Blood disgust me, corpse freaks me out. I could not save the world with a scalpel.
           
I was more in love with words. Thanks to mom and dad, I read the Holy Bible. Thanks to God, I'm not a dyslexia. Every single cell in my brain is happy to absorb letters and spit them out on paper. Not just letters, my brain captures visuals and keeps them for a long time, too. I may not be Leonardo da Vinci, but he is the perfect example of possibility. 

Some called it weird, some called it geek, some even called it freak. Only some could actually say that we are created for a bigger purpose.  

You are a child of the universe; your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of all that's within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. - Nelson Mandela  

On every road that I pass, I know that it would be lonely. If I don't have Jesus, it could be destructive, or even more, suicidal. I understand those who want to end their lives, really, because I think there is no eternal thing in this world. What eternal is our idea. Our invention. Our legacy. 

Some people have a thousand friends. I have one. Some people are comfortable to be with. I am not. Some people have to live with their family. I have to live apart from them. Some people don't wanna die young. I don't wish to live long.  

Yes, we are unique. We are far from ordinary. We are God's perfect creation. If we are born to be mediocre, then what is the point anyway? Do you feel what I feel? Maybe not.